Fantasy Gazette

Several notable NFL running backs participated in a Zoom call late Monday night to discuss a growing threat to the perceived value of their position: PPR scoring in fantasy football. PPR gives a full point for each catch made by a player, with no similar reward for carrying the ball. “This problem is the single greatest issue we face to getting the respect we deserve,” said Titans RB Derrick Henry. “These fantasy nerds tried out ZeroRB ten years ago, and when it failed they rigged the scoring system to make it work. I’m disgusted, man.”

Henry and Browns RB Nick Chubb spearheaded the meeting to take down the recent surge in popularity of PPR fantasy scoring, which is now more popular than the conventional “standard,” in which no points are awarded for catches. “If I ran for 10 yards and broke 3 tackles doing so, it’s the exact same as some dude named Russell Gage catching a screen pass and immediately getting tackled. Only a monster would play PPR,” said Chubb.

Note: It’s worth mentioning here that Christian McCaffrey and Austin Ekeler were not invited to this Zoom call, and some RBs had their faces pinned up on dart boards in the background.

The PPR scoring advantage for pass catchers causes wide receivers and tight ends get pushed up draft boards due to the ease of gaining points. Meanwhile, the running backs are plummeting in ADP (average draft position).

“It’s embarrassing,” said an anonymous Commanders RB who went to Alabama and got shot last year told us. “Teams are already taking advantage of us, giving us tons of carries but less money and respect than pass-catchers. If I see [redacted RB teammate who went to Memphis] get drafted before me one more time…”

Fantasy Gazette also managed to secure an exclusive interview with the ancient Emmitt Smith. “In my day, we didn’t have all this ‘PPR’ mumbo jumbo. You got points for yards, you got points for touchdowns. And tailbacks like me were superstars,” Smith recounted with a smile. Smith stated that he was invited to join in the Zoom chat to offer his advice. Unfortunately, he found the process of downloading the Zoom app too confusing, and instead watched two reruns of Law and Order: Criminal Intent before dozing off in his recliner.

While it is clear that these running backs want more respect among fantasy football players, a solution remains unclear. PPR scoring is only growing in popularity, along with three-wide-receiver fantasy lineups. Jim Brown is rolling in his grave.