FBI Discovers Trevor Lawrence Voodoo Doll In Urban Meyer’s Office
FOX HQ – Following a thorough investigation, FBI agents raided the office of FOX analyst Urban Meyer, and as suspected, discovered a Trevor Lawrence voodoo doll in a desk drawer.
“That’s not mine, I’m holding it for a friend,” a visibly guilty Meyer said, sweating profusely. “The fingerprints that are mine on there are someone else’s, by the way.”
According to authorities, the Trevor Lawrence voodoo doll had been clearly thrown around, beat up, and strangely had red lipstick smeared on the mouth, too. Meyer refused to comment on the last part, but was blushing aggressively.
Other voodoo dolls were scattered around Meyer’s office, dressed as Jags opponents and were either tackling the Lawrence voodoo doll or intercepting his passes. The Doug Pederson voodoo doll in the corner of the room had been given a lobotomy.
At press time, Meyer had been arrested for his metaphysical crimes and the FBI confiscated additional voodoo dolls with the following notes:
Will Levis: stuck in a perpetually turned-on blender
Caleb Williams: currently inside of a wood-chipper
Bryce Young: hit with shrink ray from that one Rick Moranis movie
Kirk Cousins: mysterious substance found on voodoo doll, no further comment
Josh Lambo: legs ripped off
Fantasy Gazette 