Fantasy Gazette

HEAVEN – God, the omnipotent being responsible for the creation of the universe and its inhabitants, revealed in a statement to the press that he forgot to turn down the injury sliders for the current NFL year. “Yeah, guys, this one’s on me,” said the almighty father. “I was messing with some settings to try and make the season more fun like higher field goal percentages and less New York Giants playoff wins, but I got carried away.” God continued to say that he cranked up the injury sliders so fantasy football players would be introduced to a new slate of temporary stars for the season, but eventually regretted the decision. “I was talking to the archangel Gabriel, who was devastated to lose his starting QB and a couple depth WRs in our fantasy league. I realized it was totally my bad and I had the injury sliders up to like 90 or 95, man. He’s screwed in his upcoming clash with John the Baptist.” God wanted to make a point that he would apologize more to fantasy football players, but their tendency to gamble was preventing them from receiving any priority from up above. At press time, God had brought the sliders back down to a more reasonable number, but accidentally left the setting on where the Pittsburgh Steelers finish above .500 no matter what.