Fantasy Gazette

Kansas City Chiefs head coach Andy Reid pulled off an amazing feat this off-season, one perhaps even more impressive than his three Super Bowl championships. Reid was wading in a Montana river when he caught a Brook Trout with his bare hands, and then swallowed it whole.

“I’ve been noodling for years, it’s a secret passion of mine,” said Reid. “People who fish with poles are losers – like Nick Sirianni. If you can’t catch a trout with your bare hands and swallow it whole, you simply aren’t even fishing.”

The legendary coach said he learned how to handfish as a child from his uncle, who was an actual bear.

“Growing up, I learned a lot from Uncle Bear. People today even say I look like a bear, and that’s a testament to Uncle Bear’s impact on my life. After we won our third Super Bowl, he told me I was ready to learn this new trick. I couldn’t wait.”

This offseason, Uncle Bear took him to the family cabin and decided Lil’ Andy was finally ready to catch a trout with his bare hands and swallow it whole.

“It’s not as hard as it sounds,” said Reid. “Uncle Bear says fish are really slippery, they just slide down your throat. The key is to toss them in the air first.”

“It all comes down to the entry angle of the fish when throwing it toward your mouth. If you swallow them head first, at the right angle, it’s easy, but it comes down to executing the throw, just like in football,” Reid said proudly.

So what’s next for Reid after winning three Super Bowls and mastering the art of catching a trout with his bare hands and swallowing it whole?

After the NFL draft, Reid plans to cross another item off his bucket list — riding a tiny tricycle while wearing a tassled red Fez hat and juggling multi-colored balls. “Just like Uncle Bear used to in the circus,” Reid said, wiping a tear from his eye.