‘I Totally Knew Cooper Kupp Would Go Nuclear,’ Says Man Who Accidentally Drafted Him In 7th Round

Lansing, MI – Local fantasy football player Devin Patton was in high spirits following his team’s championship victory this past weekend, mainly off the back of Rams stud wideout Cooper Kupp. The Rams have one game left, and Kupp has a chance to break Calvin Johnson’s NFL record for receiving yards. Kupp is also the league leader in receptions (138) and receiving touchdowns (15). Patton drafted Kupp 80th overall – which apparently qualifies as planting your flag on your WR1, we guess. “When my buddy sniped Ronald Jones from me in the back of the 7th, I was forced to pivot,” said Patton. “I took Kupp, but now that the season is over, I realized all along that I totally knew he would go nuclear. I freaking called it.”

However, Patton’s leaguemates said he let out an audible groan when he chose Kupp. “Yeah, that dude is lying. He wasn’t happy when he took Kupp,” said commissioner Adam Stevens. “Then once points started piling in, the dude never shut up about how smart he was. Every freaking week it was ‘told you, idiots’ and ‘this is why you’re all losers.’ Good lord, Devin’s such a little bitch.”

“Well, to be completely honest – and don’t tell anyone – I was gonna take Henry Ruggs and my finger slipped,” Patton continued. “But deep down that was just my soul knowing Kupp would be insanely good and Ruggs would kill someone. When you take a guy like that in the 7th round on accident, you deserve nice things like the $130 payout and an old rusty trophy from Amazon.”

At press time, Patton had begun preparations for the 2022 draft, deciding that Dolphins’ WR DeVante Parker would come out as the #1 WR. “Yeah, Parker’s going for 2,000 yards and 20 touchdowns, book it. I’m so confident in this that I’m willing to take him as my fifth wideout somewhere in the 10th or even 11th round.”

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