Fantasy Gazette

Nashville, TN – Local fantasy football player Isaiah Maxwell was reflecting on his 10th-place fantasy football finish Thursday when he decided to take the treacherous, grief-filled journey back to the “Draft Recap” page on his fantasy league’s website, sources say. Maxwell was “distraught, spiraling, and I think about to cry even” said his wife. “I heard a bunch of stuff get knocked over as he was yelling something about a guy named Allen Robinson or something? I probably go have to fix another punched hole in our drywall again. It’s the Le’Veon Bell situation all over again.”

Maxwell’s decision to go back and see what went wrong with his season led to a 35-minute mental health breakdown in his office as he looked through his own draft picks, the decisions he failed to correctly make as well as the ones that led his leaguemates to trounce him and make fun of him in their group chat for 17 consecutive weeks.

Dr. Richard North, Director of Mental Health Studies at Vanderbilt University, spoke on the damaging effects of the Draft Recap screen. “There’s a 24% spike in counseling referrals following the conclusion of fantasy football season. We worked with Google this year and it showed the most common search result after “Draft Recap” was “surviving trauma” and “counselors near me.” North’s team of researchers have dedicated time every January to help fantasy players overcome what some players described to them as insurmountable levels of grief. “The pain appears to be unbearable to the subjects roughly 15-20 seconds after clicking Draft Recap on their fantasy apps and websites,” said North. “We urge every fantasy player to pick up a book, a second hobby, their children even, and NOT click Draft Recap.”