Guy With Zero Fantasy Football Championships Starts Patreon

“Brian,” a fantasy football enthusiast and Applebee’s server from Cincinnati, OH has been playing fantasy football for nearly 20 years. Tragically, he has accumulated exactly zero league championships. Brian had his best finish, 2nd place, in 2011 (he only lost because of injuries, league-mate collusion, a stupid scoring bonus for touchdowns of over 40 yards, forgetting it wasn’t TE premium on draft day, and because his team wasn’t as good as the other team). Has losing every single year in every single league stopped Brian from being an expert in fantasy football projection and analysis?

Absolutely freaking not.

Brian has decided to share his winning strategies by starting a Patreon, where actual people can sign up to give him actual dollars for his fantasy football insight and analysis, despite the fact he has zero league titles. In his years of experience, he has learned absolutely everything there is to know about fantasy football after losing nearly $3,000 in league fees due to bad luck and ill-timed ACL tears.

How can I support Brian?

For the bottom-tier “Starter’s Package” at the low price of $9.99 a month, Brian will provide you with his “Top 25 Redraft Players” list that features identical rankings to ESPN’s Matthew Berry with the exception of Bills WR Gabriel Davis at #15.

Or, you could upgrade to Brian’s “Championship Package” for $15.00 a month and get access to his private group chat where other degenerates ask hard-hitting fantasy football questions like “What is a sleeper?” and “Who are your favorite sleepers?”

You definitely couldn’t Google those difficult questions on your own. No way.

If you’re lucky, maybe Brian and his Patreon disciples will help you decide who won your most recent trade based on an uncropped Sleeper screenshot.

Don’t worry if you can’t afford the Patreon, though, as Brian will occasionally post little nuggets of his fantasy football knowledge on his Twitter (@BigBrainBrianFF), but be cautious: Brian notoriously blocks anyone that doesn’t circle jerk his takes in the comment section.

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