Fantasy Gazette

Omaha, NE – Local man Saul Davis was speaking to coworkers Monday morning about the weekend when eyetwitnesses said the avid fantasy football player was on the verge of tears speaking about his team. More specifically, a botched lineup decision regarding players in the Sunday Night Football contest: he benched Chargers WR Joshua Palmer (8 catches, 100 yards, and 2 touchdowns) for Chiefs WR Kadarius Toney (0 catches, 0 yards).

“Look, Susan, that’s a great story about your bowling team taking third at regionals and all, but I cost myself 26 points by sitting Palmer, okay?” Davis said to his H.R. rep in the breakroom while wolfing down a sour cream doughnut, crumbs spilling all over the floor. Davis set his breakfast down and clasped both hands over his face before sliding them down to a point at his lips.

Coworkers continued to say Davis felt distracted. Julie Dixon, his supervisor, told us Davis was looking at the matchup score on ESPN’s fantasy website for six consecutive hours, and that he could be heard audibly crying throughout the office building.

“It was embarrassing,” Julie told us. “Not just for him, but our company as a whole. To just be in shambles like that? I benched Gus Edwards two weeks ago when he had 17 but I still won my matchup. Good grief, Saul, just pull it together, fantasy isn’t that hard. I thought we hired better.”

Davis had additionally texted multiple friends, family members, and his therapist about the loss he was headed towards. The 26 points he cost himself by benching Toney will cost him a win, making him 4-7 on the season and out of playoff contention. When it comes to the devastation, Davis said it’s the worst thing that’s ever happened to him.

“I haven’t had a very hard life.” Davis said. “I guess that’s good, but the pain still stings. I mean…26 points and I’m out of the playoffs. You tell me you wouldn’t cry yourself to sleep until draft night next year.”