Oh Damn, Buddy Who Wants You To Give Him Ezekiel Elliott Showing You Lots Of Data About His Week 1 Production
theFantasyGazette
Texans Fan Postpones Killing Himself For At Least One More Week
There really isn’t much to this story. Just a local Houston guy was gonna “kablooie” himself with a revolver he bought at the corner store cause the Texans are so bad and the coaching staff is awful and their star quarterback is a sex offender and whatnot. Anyways, they won a game so he told us he’s gonna wait one
Read moreMike Evans’ Reputation After 7 Excellent Seasons Now In Extreme Jeopardy Following Single Below-Average Game
TAMPA, FL – Following a lackluster game on Thursday Night Football, the 2021 NFL season opener, superstar wideout Mike Evans’ reputation is now in shambles, reports have confirmed. An extremely rare breed of athlete, Evans has put together a remarkable 7 consecutive seasons with at least 1,000 yards. Hardly any player can claim that amount of high-level production for that
Read moreESPN, Matthew Berry Announce ‘The Fantasy Show’ Will Now Have 7,000 Puppets
BRISTOL, CT – Fantasy football celebrity and pioneer Matthew Berry and ESPN announced Wednesday “The Fantasy Show” is undergoing a major change. “We looked at our demographic of fully grown men who love professional football and asked ourselves what they wanted more of,” Berry said in a personal video to fans. “The overwhelming answer was more puppets. We are going
Read moreBiden Relocating Afghanistan Troops On Mission To Stabilize Houston Texans
Washington (FG) – President Joe Biden presented the United States army with a new challenge following the removal of all American troops from Afghanistan: rebuild and stabilize the Houston Texans’ NFL franchise. “My fellow Americans, the war in Afghanistan is over,” President Biden said at the White House, triumphantly. “However, the battle in Houston to get this poverty franchise just
Read moreNFL Announces Conferences Will Now Be Divided By Vaccination Status
Commissioner Roger Goodell announced Thursday a groundbreaking new shift for the NFL – for the first time in decades, the AFC and NFC will be no more. The two conferences will now be split up by the players’ COVID-19 vaccination status. Starting in 2021, the VFC (Vaccinated Football Conference) and UFC (Un-Vaccinated Football Conference) will split down the middle. All
Read moreQB Who Can’t Throw Accurately Or Run Coach’s System Or Be At Practice Benched For Guy Who Doesn’t Have Single Cool Hat
Study Shows 71% Of Fantasy Football Opinions End With “If He Can Stay Healthy”
LARP Community Demands Fantasy Football Players Remove ‘Fantasy’ From Their Name
San Francisco, CA – At the 2021 LARP-Con, advocates for inclusive language have demanded fantasy football players remove the term ‘fantasy’ from their name, effective immediately. “We have had enough,” said Evan Draper while dressed as Sir Lancelot of the Round Table. “They’ve gotten away for this blasphemous language for too long. WE are the true fantasizers, not these heathenous
Read moreGENIUS: This Right-Winger Gets His Revenge On Colin Kaepernick By Acquiring Him In Fantasy Football And Then Benching Him
Birmingham, AL – Local conservative man Jonathan Watson has exacted his revenge on former NFL QB Colin Kaepernick by drafting him with his final pick in the “Make Fantasy Great Again” league he created with some friends from high school. Watson plans to leave Kaepernick on his bench every single week. “Finally got that son’ bitch,” Watson said with a
Read more
Fantasy Gazette 