Accuracy. Level of competition. Athletic variables. These things are all stupid and useless. There is only one metric that truly defines how great an athlete will be: how cool their name is. You know it, and I know it. There are objective facts in language and culture that create what we know as an athlete’s most recognizable and lasting brand…having
Read more
Cleveland, OH – A dynasty fantasy football player and (formerly) upstanding citizen was arrested outside his Cleveland residence when the IRS determined he filed his federal tax return with a fantasy football trade calculator. Sources to Fantasy Gazette confirmed 29-year-old Joshua Larkinson, a three-time dynasty champion, used the website TurboTax and DynastyTradeCalculator.com to defraud the federal government. Charles Rettig, the
Read more
NEW ORLEANS, LA – These days, you can never be too sure if a pro athlete’s subliminal messaging means he’s on the outs. Kyler Murray unfollowing the Cardinals preceded a lengthy letter about his contract. Today, Saints RB Alvin Kamara removed the song “When The Saints Go Marching In” from his Spotify playlist titled “Alvin’s Fav Songs.” Uh oh. The
Read more
FANTAGY GAZETTE EXCLUSIVE: welcome back to braxton corner it’s me braxton im 13 years’ old. Lets’ get straight to it! Seattle seahawks running back Rashad Penny should be the number one overall pick in fantasy football in 2022. Yes am serious. Here why: Number 1: Rashaad Penny was a first round pick in 2018. FIRST ROUND. Do you know how
Read more
SALT LAKE CITY, UT – Local man Daniel Roberts has always followed the NFL. He normally has a keen eye for pointing out underrated quarterbacks like Jimmy Garoppolo, but recent reports showed his affection for “Jimmy G” is actually just a reflection of him being a dumbass, sources say. “Our team ran several tests to determine the root causes of
Read more
Washington DC – A Fantasy Gazette exclusive has found after a weeks-long investigation that over 30 members of Congress have violated insider trading laws by manipulating the fantasy football ranking site known as Keep Trade Cut (KTC). The site is known for its stock-market-like fantasy football insight, allowing users to monitor the community’s feelings on player value. Users can also
Read more
Los Angeles, CA – Tragic reports out of Orange County have confirmed local fantasy football player Ricardo Gonzalez has been killed after a kidnapper asked him to name any one defensive football player currently playing in the National Football League. Gonzalez is in over 35 fantasy football and dynasty leagues, but was unable to satisfy the gunman’s request in time
Read more
Lansing, MI – Local dynasty aficionado Harry Frasier has been playing fantasy football for over 15 years, and is what many call a “savant” in dynasty philosophy. Frasier says the key to his sustained success is dropping his best players from his roster completely, just in case they face a significant value drop from injury, a trade to a bad
Read more
Tulsa, OK – Marshall Sarkisian, a local fantasy football player and stingy trader, announced on Sunday that he will only be accepting trades in which the value is overwhelmingly in his favor, but is willing to compromise on the premise you’ll let him sleep with your girlfriend. Your girlfriend, who Sarkisian has had an eye on since you introduced her
Read more
Fantasy Gazette 