MIAMI, FL – Buffalo Bills HC Sean McDermott has given the team’s players and staff a day off to celebrate, per source. McDermott was eager to deliver the news that on this fateful day in history, many men gave their lives to a noble cause, and no, he would not be specifying his comments anything further than that. McDermott treated
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OUTSIDE THE PEARLY GATES – Recently deceased Hall Of Fame running back O.J. Simpson is currently unable to be sent to hell by God’s angels as he is evading all of their tackles, according to sources. The former Bills legend and troubled character is using a series of well-executed jukes, spins, and stiffarms to send Gabriel, Michael, and others tumbling
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BUFFALO, NY – Superstar wideout Stefon Diggs has been vocal over time about his frustrations in Buffalo, announcing today that his main priority is to be a huge whiny bitch of a man in a significantly more interesting city, preferably outside of upstate New York. “I’m over Buffalo, man,” Diggs said in a tweet. “The playoff losses sting even more
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BUFFALO, NY – A shocking new conspiracy theory has taken the internet by storm. Bills safety Damar Hamlin, who infamously suffered cardiac arrest on Monday Night Football earlier this year, was shown heavily covered up in a box suite during the Bills’ playoff clash with Cincinnati. Conspiracy theorists immediately and confidently took to their phones to point out that Hamlin
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Fox Sports Commentator Skip Bayless made headlines Monday night when he advocated for the continuation of the pivotal Bills v Bengals clash after safety Damar Hamlin collapsed to the field. This opinion was posted on Twitter, the best place to put personal opinions on public matters if your IQ is a single digit. The professional screamer was immediately met with
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AP – For the first time in his life, local man Gary Davenport has decided to play fantasy football. The district manager of his hometown Target was talked into his by his brother-in-law and their draft was held Friday night. Davenport was hardly able to research players in between stocking toilet paper and LEGO sets and managing which teenagers could
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CHARLOTTE, NC – Drunk with power following the acquisition of QB Baker Mayfield from Cleveland, the Carolina Panthers announced Wednesday they will “stop at nothing” to acquire Bills superstar QB Josh Allen in order to complete their collection of the 2018 quarterback class. “This is the move our fans have been begging us to do,” head coach Matt Rhule said.
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Buffalo, NY – James McIntyre, a 23-year-old part-time sports columnist at The Buffalo Inquirer, stated that Bills’ WR Gabriel Davis is primed to go off in 2022, claiming Davis will “like, for sure have exactly 118 catches, 1,490 yards, and 20 touchdowns this year.” McIntyre also added that he “guarantees” and “promises” it will happen. “Davis was Josh Allen’s favorite
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NEW YORK, NY – Local Jets fan Dennis Anderson was reportedly in high spirits Monday morning when his favorite NFL team, the New York Jets, successfully spared him from enduring a heartbreaking playoff loss. “After the way some of these teams lost this weekend, it feels amazing to have my team thoughtfully avoid that kind of disappointment altogether for guys
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New York, NY – Roger Goodell, along with the NFL Board of Trustees, excitedly announced Monday that beginning in the 2022-23 season, the NFL playoffs will expand to 32 teams because you’ll still watch it you slut. “You know you want this,” Goodell said at a press conference Monday. “We know every part of you. We know what you want.
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Fantasy Gazette 