Tag Archives: featured

Man Currently On 30th Edit Of DFS Lineup That Will Win No Money

Troy, OH – Local self-proclaimed DFS “expert” Curtis West woke up Sunday morning with a groundbreaking thought: ‘I’ve got to get Keenan Allen in my WR1 spot, not Justin Jefferson!’ West was entering in a sports betting app’s million-dollar prize competition, and had been relentlessly searching statistics, matchups, and injuries to get *just* the right lineup that will win him

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ESPN, Matthew Berry Announce ‘The Fantasy Show’ Will Now Have 7,000 Puppets

BRISTOL, CT – Fantasy football celebrity and pioneer Matthew Berry and ESPN announced Wednesday “The Fantasy Show” is undergoing a major change. “We looked at our demographic of fully grown men who love professional football and asked ourselves what they wanted more of,” Berry said in a personal video to fans. “The overwhelming answer was more puppets. We are going

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Biden Relocating Afghanistan Troops On Mission To Stabilize Houston Texans

Washington (FG) – President Joe Biden presented the United States army with a new challenge following the removal of all American troops from Afghanistan: rebuild and stabilize the Houston Texans’ NFL franchise. “My fellow Americans, the war in Afghanistan is over,” President Biden said at the White House, triumphantly. “However, the battle in Houston to get this poverty franchise just

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LARP Community Demands Fantasy Football Players Remove ‘Fantasy’ From Their Name

San Francisco, CA – At the 2021 LARP-Con, advocates for inclusive language have demanded fantasy football players remove the term ‘fantasy’ from their name, effective immediately. “We have had enough,” said Evan Draper while dressed as Sir Lancelot of the Round Table. “They’ve gotten away for this blasphemous language for too long. WE are the true fantasizers, not these heathenous

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Study Shows Day Jobs Prevent Fantasy Football Players From Over $5 Billion In Annual Winnings

A new study has revealed that the day jobs thh he at tie fantasy football players to a desk is costing them a combined $5 billion in annual winnings from tournaments, leagues, and apps like DraftKings and FanDuel. We are not trying to demonize having a job,” Matthew Berry said Friday. “It is important to understand that there are more

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Woman Listening to Fantasy Football Podcast Not Sure why Men Need So Many Ads Reminding Them To Shave Their Balls

SEATTLE, WA – Local fantasy football player Courtney Smith was catching up on a few of her favorite podcasts when she was reportedly ‘confused’ why the male listeners needed to many reminders to shave their balls, sources to the Gazette confirmed. “I mean, I guess the new SkinSafe technology from Manscaped is kinda nice,” she said. “Are their male listeners

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