Tag Archives: Roger Goodell

EXCLUSIVE: NFL Script Leaked; Kyler Murray And Deshaun Watson “Enemies-To-Lovers” Romantic Subplot To Begin This Sunday

The NFL has big plans for the game in Cleveland this weekend, a source close to the situation told the Gazette. The Arizona Cardinals are facing Browns this Sunday and both teams had quarterback uncertainty this week. According to our source, these “injuries” were staged as part of a larger plot. Kyler Murray and Deshaun Watson are young, talented, and

Read more

Orgies, Rituals, and Fantasy Drafts: Inside One Town’s Shocking NFL Festival

The NFL season opens this week and fans are anxiously anticipating the return to play. This is especially true for fantasy football players, whose lives are meaningless in the absence of NFL games. With the meteoric rise in popularity of fantasy football in the US over the last few years, Americans have become increasingly dependent on the NFL for joy

Read more

BREAKING: NFL Will Allow Defenders To Use Guns Since Players Who Wanted To Break The Law And Bring One Would Have Anyway

In conjunction with the NFLPA and Competition Committee, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell announced a bizarre new rule to take effect beginning immediately: defenders will be allowed to use firearms of any kind on the football field to stop ballcarriers. The rule was voted to pass unanimously after someone brought up the unbreakable logic that any players who truly wanted to

Read more

Calvin Ridley Has Suspension Reduced After Using Gambling Winnings To Buy Steroids

Atlanta, GA – Falcons star wideout Calvin Ridley has gotten his year-long suspension from the NFL reduced after using his gambling winnings to buy performance enhancing drugs. Ridley had been suspended for betting on NFL games on his smartphone, but appealed the suspension to Roger Goodell and the NFLPA this week while absolutely yoked from the steroids. “We’re thrilled to

Read more

Rooney Rule Will Now Include Coaching Candidates That Have A Black Friend

Following another Head Coach cycle that produced less-than-stellar results for diversity and African-American hirings, the NFL announced Tuesday that – beginning this upcoming season – the “Rooney Rule” would be expanding to include candidates who claim that “some of their best friends in the whole world” are black. “This is truly an exciting time for diversity and inclusion,” said Roger

Read more

NFL Approves 32-Team Playoff Format Because You’ll Still Watch It You Slut

New York, NY – Roger Goodell, along with the NFL Board of Trustees, excitedly announced Monday that beginning in the 2022-23 season, the NFL playoffs will expand to 32 teams because you’ll still watch it you slut. “You know you want this,” Goodell said at a press conference Monday. “We know every part of you. We know what you want.

Read more

Doing The Right Thing: NFL Says Games Won’t Be Cancelled Unless ‘Better Players’ Get Covid

NEW YORK – Roger Goodell met with the media in a surprise press conference Friday to address the state of the NFL with over 100 players now on the Reserve/Covid list. Goodell made it abundantly clear to reporters that the games will continue to be played unless “significantly better players than this puny list start getting sick.” Goodell adjusted a

Read more

Breaking: NFL Will NOT Suspend Players With Sexual Assault Allegations As Long As 80% Of Victims Are Vaccinated

With sexual assault allegations and COVID-19 vaccines dominating NFL headlines, Roger Goodell announced Friday the league is taking serious action. The NFL will be operating by what they have dubbed “the 80/20 rule.” It states that no players will be suspended for sexual charges as long as at least 80% of the alleged victims are fully vaccinated against coronavirus.** As

Read more

NFL Votes to Add Controversial “Phone-A-Fan” Rule to 2022 Draft

After the conclusion of the 2021 NFL draft on Sunday, executives and coaches from across the NFL gathered together in an emergency online video call to discuss a growing issue: bad talent evaluation. According to a recent Twitter poll of NFL fans, just 11% of fans were satisfied with their favorite team’s picks. This stat was especially alarming to Packers

Read more