Author Archives: theFantasyGazette

Two Dead, Seven Injured After Someone Recommends ZeroRB Draft Strategy At 2022 Fantasy Football Expo

Canton, OH – Two fantasy football analysts are dead and at least seven more are injured after a well-known analyst recommended the ZeroRB draft strategy during a redraft panel at the 2022 Fantasy Football Expo. The analyst who started the riot, who will remain anonymous for their own safety, broke down an option players can use to wait until round

Read more

Calvin Ridley Suspended Another Full Season After Betting On Deshaun Watson Trial Outcome

Disgraced Falcons WR Calvin Ridley has been suspended an additional season after leaks revealed he placed a large wager on the final outcome of Deshaun Watson’s trial and suspension. Ridley said he was “fully confident” the Browns new superstar Quarterback, whose allegations of sexual assault neared almost 30 (!!!) women, would get less than he did following a $1,500 parlay

Read more

Kyler Murray Signs Massive Twitch Contract That Requires 4 Weekly Hours Of Fortnite Practice

FaZe member and part-time Cardinals QB Kyler Murray has signed a massive contract extension with Twitch, locking him into the platform for the forseeable future at a handsome salary, but the contract features a clause that has worried FaZe fans and the gaming community. Twitch included a clause that Kyler Murray must practice his building, combat, and position skills at

Read more

Local Man Who Hates “Long, Boring” Fantasy Football Articles Really Enjoying 58-Tweet Thread

Manitowoc, WI – Local fantasy football player Desmond Payne has long been critical of NFL and fantasy articles that are “too long and boring” for him. That was, until, his favorite analyst decided to space out all the sentences one by one in a twitter “thread.” “I really like how each sentence is on a new line. Articles have these

Read more

Fantasy Football Player Who Had Trade Screenshot Exposed Without His Username Crossed Out Placed In Witness Protection

Earlier this summer, during a fateful night of bar crawling and poor decisions, “Aaron Bright” found himself stumbling home and playing around on the Sleeper app, a popular fantasy football platform. Full of beer and carnal instincts, Bright sent out a flurry of ill-advised trades to his leaguemates. It wasn’t until the next morning he realized what happened. Mr. Bright,

Read more

Bucs’ Leonard Fournette: “I Am In The Biggest Shape Of My Life”

TAMPA, FL – Despite reports that his weight had become a problem for Bucs’ coaches, starting RB Leonard Fournette addressed the media Monday to clear the air, happily stating that he was “in the biggest shape of my life.” “Don’t listen to that report that said my coaches were angry,” Fournette said, mentioning a devastating report that didn’t actually even

Read more

Matthew Berry Leaving Fantasy Football At ESPN To Focus On MCU Cameos

Bristol, CT – Matthew Berry, a fantasy football analyst and longtime ESPN employee, announced Monday that July 2022 marks his final time at the company. A true pioneer, Berry paved the way for fantasy football enthusiasts to pursue a career in the industry. Shockingly, Berry also announced his next career move is showing up in more Marvel films. “ESPN and

Read more

Panthers Announce Josh Allen Is Their Next QB Target: “The 2018 Class Will Be Ours”

CHARLOTTE, NC – Drunk with power following the acquisition of QB Baker Mayfield from Cleveland, the Carolina Panthers announced Wednesday they will “stop at nothing” to acquire Bills superstar QB Josh Allen in order to complete their collection of the 2018 quarterback class. “This is the move our fans have been begging us to do,” head coach Matt Rhule said.

Read more

Guy With Zero Fantasy Football Championships Starts Patreon

“Brian,” a fantasy football enthusiast and Applebee’s server from Cincinnati, OH has been playing fantasy football for nearly 20 years. Tragically, he has accumulated exactly zero league championships. Brian had his best finish, 2nd place, in 2011 (he only lost because of injuries, league-mate collusion, a stupid scoring bonus for touchdowns of over 40 yards, forgetting it wasn’t TE premium

Read more

Bills Beat Writer “Guarantees” Gabriel Davis Will Have 118 Catches For 1,490 yards and 20 Touchdowns This Season

Buffalo, NY – James McIntyre, a 23-year-old part-time sports columnist at The Buffalo Inquirer, stated that Bills’ WR Gabriel Davis is primed to go off in 2022, claiming Davis will “like, for sure have exactly 118 catches, 1,490 yards, and 20 touchdowns this year.” McIntyre also added that he “guarantees” and “promises” it will happen. “Davis was Josh Allen’s favorite

Read more
« Older Entries Recent Entries »