Author Archives: theFantasyGazette

Slant Boy Is Faking It: Michael Thomas Says He Won’t Return To Football Until Fans Start Calling Him “Slant Man”

According to our top Saints beat reporter, 3-time Pro Bowl WR Michael Thomas has NOT been sitting out this NFL season because of a lingering ankle injury, but because his nickname hurts his feelings. The league leader in both reception yardage and reception total in 2019, Thomas has barely played since, mainly because he feels like his nickname Slant Boy

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PAINFUL: This Man Would’ve Won A Million Dollars On DraftKings If He Simply Picked A Different QB, WR2, WR3, TE, and Defense

Salem, MA – Pain. That’s the only word to describe local DFS player Mark Winters’ feeling after narrowly missing a giant, life-changing amount of cash on the DraftKings app this weekend. Winters needed just 105.9 more points from his “Full Roster” lineup to win $1,000,000. According to sources, Winters played exactly zero of the players that won the top performer

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Counter Point: If You Didn’t Take My Last Trade, Why Won’t You Take This Even Worse One? You Dumbass?

Fantasy Gazette sources confirmed that someone in your fantasy football league has a brand new special trade offer for you: the exact same offer you declined, but this time you give up even more. Deal or no deal? “Yeah I just figured if you didn’t like my last offer, you’d be interested in giving me even more than I originally

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Problem Solved: Chipotle Unveils New “AJ Brown Bowl,” A Burrito Bowl That’s Covered With TUMS

Chiptole – In some of the more bizarre 2021 NFL News, Titans star WR A.J. Brown came down with food poisoning earlier this month after eating Chipotle. Well, the company has “clapped back” with a brand new product that’s soon to hit the market. Chipotle CEO Brian Niccol was thrilled to announce the newest menu item following the craze: “We

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New App Will Alert You When Members Of Your Family Are Upset At You For Watching Too Much Football

A groundbreaking new smartphone app has been designed to give the user alerts when people near them (spouses, kids, loved ones, pets, coworkers, etc) are upset with them for the amount of time they’re spending watching NFL football, playing fantasy football, or gambling their children’s college tuition on any number of “surefire” parlays. The new app uses infrared technology to

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Report: Player You’ve Never Heard Of Just Went Nuclear Against Your Fantasy Team

Gazette sources confirmed your fantasy football team is getting ruthlessly dominated because a player you’ve never heard of has absorbed the powers of Zeus himself while playing for your opponent’s team. The player, whose name sounds like it might be an auto-generated Madden athlete, decided right here, right now on Thursday Night Football was the exactly right time to go

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