Author Archives: theFantasyGazette

Dynasty Owner Of Jonathan Taylor Devastated Upon Learning His 30th Birthday Only 8 Years Away

Local dynasty player Madeline Cooper was reportedly “shaking” and “in shambles” after a quick Google search of “Jonathan Taylor age” led her to discover the star running back’s 30th birthday is rapidly approaching, and will be here in eight years. “I drafted JT with my 1.03 rookie pick last year, and it was going well for a while,” Cooper said.

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‘Awesome! A Pro Athlete I Don’t Have In Fantasy Football Got Severely Injured!’ Says Local Man Who Needs A Swift Kick To Balls

DENVER, CO – A local man who really needs to get kicked in the balls went on record today that he was very happy a NFL player he didn’t have in fantasy football got injured, putting the player’s career in jeopardy as well as his overall health and well-being as a human being. “Hell yeah, man! I NEVER wanted to

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Inconsiderate Douchebag In Slow Draft On The Clock For Over Two Entire Minutes

AKRON, OH – Sources confirmed a member of a local draft has now been “on the clock” for over two entire minutes…and counting. League members are reportedly in a violent frenzy. “This is bullshit,” said one league member. “I mean, what is more important right now than this draft? I don’t give a singular care if this guy’s got kids

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Baby Conceived After Huge DFS Win Named In Honor Of Father’s Winning Players

A newborn baby boy from Milwaukee, WI has received quite the name as a tribute to his father’s recent fantasy football success.  A product of unprotected celebratory sex between lifelong Milwaukee residents Derrick and Kendra Jeffreys in early October, Alvin Stefon JuJu David Montgomery Colts Defense Younghoe Jeffries was welcomed into the world – exactly nine months after his father

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Pro Football Focus ‘Completely Out Of Ideas’ After Asking Twitter Users To Rank Every NFL Player For Them

Pro Football Focus released an official statement Sunday that they are “completely out of ideas” and that their “creative juices have been exhausted” following the completion of asking Twitter for their thoughts and rankings on every single NFL player. PFF is known for skipping out on actual analysis and genuine content creation – instead taking advantage of social media users’

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Jakobi Meyers Excited To Receive Way More Off-Target Throws From Cam Newton As Patriots’ New WR1

FOXBORO, MA – Third-year wide receiver Jakobi Meyers is turning heads in New England so far this off-season. Word is that Meyers could emerge as the Pats’ top pass-catcher over NFL megastars Nelson Agholor, Kendrick Bourne, Gunner Olszewski. Oh yeah, and N’Keal Harry. They are battling to emerge as Cam Newton’s favorite player to give off-target throws to, and Meyers

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