AP – For the first time in his life, local man Gary Davenport has decided to play fantasy football. The district manager of his hometown Target was talked into his by his brother-in-law and their draft was held Friday night. Davenport was hardly able to research players in between stocking toilet paper and LEGO sets and managing which teenagers could
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Tom Holland. Zayn Malik. Jimmy Fallon. Ben Shapiro. That beautiful chocolate man who does the Allstate commercials. These men absolutely exude sexual energy and we, as consumers, are allowed to simply bathe in it. In fact, we are even encouraged to. In today’s world we are completely surrounded by attractive male bodies which are solely to be used for ogling,
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Olathe, KS – Tragic news broke out this morning as a local man was found dead in his mancave following a night of binging preseason NFL news and injecting training camp highlights into his veins. The man was identified as 34-year-old Doug Lynch, a diehard Kansas City Chiefs fan. Friends and neighbors say he was constantly refreshing sports news across
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“Brian,” a fantasy football enthusiast and Applebee’s server from Cincinnati, OH has been playing fantasy football for nearly 20 years. Tragically, he has accumulated exactly zero league championships. Brian had his best finish, 2nd place, in 2011 (he only lost because of injuries, league-mate collusion, a stupid scoring bonus for touchdowns of over 40 yards, forgetting it wasn’t TE premium
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Allentown, PA – Local dynasty fantasy football player Spike Daniels is reportedly seeking a trade for a younger girlfriend, sources confirmed. Spike is looking to move on from his girlfriend, 29-year-old Lisa Knight. The two had been going steady for a couple years when Daniels realized the clock was ticking for him to find a younger woman or stick with
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Cleveland, OH – A dynasty fantasy football player and (formerly) upstanding citizen was arrested outside his Cleveland residence when the IRS determined he filed his federal tax return with a fantasy football trade calculator. Sources to Fantasy Gazette confirmed 29-year-old Joshua Larkinson, a three-time dynasty champion, used the website TurboTax and DynastyTradeCalculator.com to defraud the federal government. Charles Rettig, the
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Los Angeles, CA – Tragic reports out of Orange County have confirmed local fantasy football player Ricardo Gonzalez has been killed after a kidnapper asked him to name any one defensive football player currently playing in the National Football League. Gonzalez is in over 35 fantasy football and dynasty leagues, but was unable to satisfy the gunman’s request in time
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Lansing, MI – Local dynasty aficionado Harry Frasier has been playing fantasy football for over 15 years, and is what many call a “savant” in dynasty philosophy. Frasier says the key to his sustained success is dropping his best players from his roster completely, just in case they face a significant value drop from injury, a trade to a bad
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Little Rock, AR – Local man and self-proclaimed Malik Willis “superfan” Jordan Belmont was enjoying a night out at Buffalo Wild Wings with his buddies and talking about the upcoming NFL Draft when a friend asked Belmont to name 3 of his favorite throws by Liberty QB Malik Willis, who was on Belmont’s t-shirt that very moment. “What?” he responded
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Pittsburgh, PA – Local diehard Steelers fan Gregg Ward walked into his 15-year-old son Axel’s room Monday evening, shocked to see the teen secretly watching “HOT: Mitch Trubisky Penetrates Tight Defense And Scores” on his personal computer. Axel turned around in shame before yelling at his dad to get up and cleaning up using a terrible towel. “Now, son,” the
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Fantasy Gazette 