MACON, GA – The good news? A local fantasy football analyst named Derek is now verified on Twitter. The bad news? His net worth is now steadily declining at exactly $8.00 per month. “I bought the verification to step up in the industry, because I’m not pathetic like some people,” said Derek. “I actually SUPER care about fantasy football. This
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INDIANAPOLIS, IN – The Colts aren’t done making moves yet. Owner Jim Irsay welcomed former center Jeff Saturday as interim head coach earlier this week, and today announced the next General Manager: Brian Hartford, a local 9-0 fantasy football player. “His record speaks for itself,” Irsay began in his press conference, one firm hand on Brian’s shoulder. “I mean, 9-0?
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MUSK HQ – In a shocking development amidst his acquisition of Twitter, CEO Elon Musk announced yet another new feature regarding Twitter’s verification badges – no more bad fantasy football takes. “I’m all about accountability, and we must hold no one more accountable than fantasy football analysts,” said Musk. “I took a look at the industry and what people want,
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BetterHelp, an online therapy portal, announced Tuesday a new version of their services directed at a specific audience: therapy for fantasy football players. Fantasy Football Related Trauma (FFRT) affects millions of Americans per year, and BetterHelp is taking initiative to fix it. “We can keep offering therapy for mental health conditions, sure,” said CEO Alon Matas. “But we’re not getting
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It’s trade deadline season, which means its time to start making up wild guesses and assumptions about the NFL if that means you’ll read our website (it worked). We’ve already seen a couple noteworthy deals go down, so let’s move on to Jets WR Elijah Moore, who is so mad he wants out of the New York Jets organization. How
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It was an ordinary night in the Carson household. After a routine chili-and-Scrabble night followed by any homework that needed completed and leftover cinnamon rolls from that morning, Michelle and David Carson did a routine bedroom check around the house. They didn’t expect to see what was on their 17-year-old son Beckett’s computer. Beckett, who was still in the bathroom
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When I was nine years old, I went missing. My friend, we’ll call him Mike, came over to play Madden 04 (Falcons were off-limits, for obvious reasons), and we decided to head out to the skate park and just walk around town a little after dinner. My mother was home, and I told her we were headed out (she was
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Harrisburg, PA: 39-year-old Kaela Yost was subconsciously rubbing her left thumb against her now naked ring finger. Her gaze wandered off outside where her former husband, Tim, was loading the last of his belongings into a rented Penske truck. Their children Teagan, Kaegan, and Braeden looked on disappointedly, the Yost family’s legacy completely tarnished. “I mean, seriously, five losses in a
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Everyone that has ever walked God’s green Earth knows that fantasy football players are roughly 69 times more likely to participate in “the sex” or receive sexual favors than those who refrain from playing fantasy football. We all learn it at some point in middle school sexual education, I know I did! We don’t know about you, but we have
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