Author Archives: theFantasyGazette

First-Time Fantasy Football Player Who Never Traded Or Used Waivers Or Set Lineup Since Week 3 Not Sure Where It All Went Wrong

Eugene, OR – Speaking to reporters Friday about his 109-45 defeat in the 11th place game in his fantasy football league, first-time contender Rick Eidelman stated he was completely caught off guard by the disappointing season. “Honestly, I thought my first season would be different,” Eidelman said disappointedly. “I did everything right. I studied for nine minutes before the draft,

Read more

Fundraiser To Get Skip Bayless Fired Raises Nine Billion Dollars

Fox Sports Commentator Skip Bayless made headlines Monday night when he advocated for the continuation of the pivotal Bills v Bengals clash after safety Damar Hamlin collapsed to the field. This opinion was posted on Twitter, the best place to put personal opinions on public matters if your IQ is a single digit. The professional screamer was immediately met with

Read more

Nation’s Youth Vow To Boycott NFL After Watching Broncos vs Rams On Nickelodeon

America, USA – Vowing to never again view the National Football League after what they just watched, the nation’s youth assembled in thought Sunday afternoon after the Broncos took on the Rams on Nickelodeon. “What the f*ck man,” said Brady S., age 9. “Nickelodeon is a bunch of hoes for that, making me see a washed Russell Wilson take on

Read more

Browns Fan Dies After Being Struck With Airborne Microsoft Surface Tablet

CLEVELAND, OH – Moments after a much-needed overtime victory against the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, Browns fans were innocently celebrating across FirstEnergy Stadium in Cleveland when a shocking tragedy struck. Jackson Worhauser, a 16-year-old seeing his very first Browns game, was drilled in the back of the head by a heat-seeking Microsoft Surface tablet that was errantly thrown from somewhere in

Read more

Benching Wrong Player On Fantasy Football Team Worst Thing That Has Ever Happened To Local Man

Omaha, NE – Local man Saul Davis was speaking to coworkers Monday morning about the weekend when eyetwitnesses said the avid fantasy football player was on the verge of tears speaking about his team. More specifically, a botched lineup decision regarding players in the Sunday Night Football contest: he benched Chargers WR Joshua Palmer (8 catches, 100 yards, and 2

Read more

HEARTWARMING: GoFundMe To Get Small, Shitty Publication ‘Fantasy Gazette’ Verified Raises 13 Cents

It’s a story that would make even the Grinch smile. A GoFundMe campaign was created to help a grassroots fantasy football news site raise the funds necessary to get verified on Twitter. Starting November 11th, 2022, Twitter’s “Twitter Blue” premium offering would grant users themuch sought-after blue checkmark, verifying the account possessing it. Twitter Blue also allowsusers to edit tweets,

Read more

Recently Verified Fantasy Analyst Now Makes Negative $8.00 Per Month

MACON, GA – The good news? A local fantasy football analyst named Derek is now verified on Twitter. The bad news? His net worth is now steadily declining at exactly $8.00 per month. “I bought the verification to step up in the industry, because I’m not pathetic like some people,” said Derek. “I actually SUPER care about fantasy football. This

Read more

Colts Hire Undefeated Fantasy Football Player As New General Manager

INDIANAPOLIS, IN – The Colts aren’t done making moves yet. Owner Jim Irsay welcomed former center Jeff Saturday as interim head coach earlier this week, and today announced the next General Manager: Brian Hartford, a local 9-0 fantasy football player. “His record speaks for itself,” Irsay began in his press conference, one firm hand on Brian’s shoulder. “I mean, 9-0?

Read more
« Older Entries Recent Entries »