It’s a common occurrence for modern Americans: loved ones on deployment from September to February during the NFL season. Spouses of NFL fans are stuck at home, watching the time pass and trying to make the most of their spouse’s deployment to the couch. Here are 10 tips you can use to manage your negative emotions while your spouse is
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ATLANTA, GA – Stetson Madison, a local fantasy football enthusiast, has held strong through the 2022 NFL offseason. Despite many opportunities to pick up a second hobby other than fantasy football, Madison actively and aggressively refused every single one of them. Pleas from his old college buddies to play disc golf on Saturday mornings, wine tasting invites from his wife,
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WICHITA, KS – Looking to avenge his last-place finishes in 2020 and 2021, sources confirmed local idiot Brandon Miller is zeroing in on his quarterback for his fantasy football draft later this summer, and he’s going to do it in the first round again. “I always pick a quarterback first and my team sucks! But that’s just a coincidence, I
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SOMEWHERE INSIDE A STARBUCKS – A man was arrested for public rosterbation while on his laptop by local police early Monday morning, but officials say the damage had already been done. The man, who plays the popular online game “fantasy football,” had his draft held the previous evening and was reportedly rosterbating inside the popular coffee chain’s doors. “It started
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DETROIT, MI – Local diehard Lions fan and “Hard Knocks” enjoyer Matthew Harvey was adamant to friends and family not to update him on the Lions final preseason game Sunday for fear he might see a spoiler of Tuesday night’s Hard Knocks episode. “By the time the episode airs, I plan to not be caught up with what’s about to
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AP – For the first time in his life, local man Gary Davenport has decided to play fantasy football. The district manager of his hometown Target was talked into his by his brother-in-law and their draft was held Friday night. Davenport was hardly able to research players in between stocking toilet paper and LEGO sets and managing which teenagers could
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Tom Holland. Zayn Malik. Jimmy Fallon. Ben Shapiro. That beautiful chocolate man who does the Allstate commercials. These men absolutely exude sexual energy and we, as consumers, are allowed to simply bathe in it. In fact, we are even encouraged to. In today’s world we are completely surrounded by attractive male bodies which are solely to be used for ogling,
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Arizona Cardinals: How do Kyler Murray, Marquise Brown, and Rondale Moore plan to see each other over the offensive line? Atlanta Falcons: Which quarterback will make you regret drafting Kyle Pitts in the 3rd round? Baltimore Ravens: How many players will tear their ACL by the end of September this year? Buffalo Bills: Is Gabriel Davis amazing? Does he suck?
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Olathe, KS – Tragic news broke out this morning as a local man was found dead in his mancave following a night of binging preseason NFL news and injecting training camp highlights into his veins. The man was identified as 34-year-old Doug Lynch, a diehard Kansas City Chiefs fan. Friends and neighbors say he was constantly refreshing sports news across
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Los Angeles, CA – Not long into Cooper Kupp’s monster 2021 performance, reports came out that the star receiver and his new quarterback had been hanging out and having breakfast together every day. The extra quality time clearly paid off, as Kupp became the latest “triple crown” winner, leading the league in receptions, receiving yards, and receiving touchdowns. But that
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Fantasy Gazette 