CLEVELAND, OH – Moments after a much-needed overtime victory against the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, Browns fans were innocently celebrating across FirstEnergy Stadium in Cleveland when a shocking tragedy struck. Jackson Worhauser, a 16-year-old seeing his very first Browns game, was drilled in the back of the head by a heat-seeking Microsoft Surface tablet that was errantly thrown from somewhere in
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When I was nine years old, I went missing. My friend, we’ll call him Mike, came over to play Madden 04 (Falcons were off-limits, for obvious reasons), and we decided to head out to the skate park and just walk around town a little after dinner. My mother was home, and I told her we were headed out (she was
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WICHITA, KS – Looking to avenge his last-place finishes in 2020 and 2021, sources confirmed local idiot Brandon Miller is zeroing in on his quarterback for his fantasy football draft later this summer, and he’s going to do it in the first round again. “I always pick a quarterback first and my team sucks! But that’s just a coincidence, I
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Tom Holland. Zayn Malik. Jimmy Fallon. Ben Shapiro. That beautiful chocolate man who does the Allstate commercials. These men absolutely exude sexual energy and we, as consumers, are allowed to simply bathe in it. In fact, we are even encouraged to. In today’s world we are completely surrounded by attractive male bodies which are solely to be used for ogling,
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Arizona Cardinals: How do Kyler Murray, Marquise Brown, and Rondale Moore plan to see each other over the offensive line? Atlanta Falcons: Which quarterback will make you regret drafting Kyle Pitts in the 3rd round? Baltimore Ravens: How many players will tear their ACL by the end of September this year? Buffalo Bills: Is Gabriel Davis amazing? Does he suck?
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TAMPA, FL – Despite reports that his weight had become a problem for Bucs’ coaches, starting RB Leonard Fournette addressed the media Monday to clear the air, happily stating that he was “in the biggest shape of my life.” “Don’t listen to that report that said my coaches were angry,” Fournette said, mentioning a devastating report that didn’t actually even
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While other dumb sites are just looking ahead to 2022, Fantasy Gazette is revealing the future and ranking the top 12 choices for your 3022 fantasy football draft. Adjust the rankings accordingly. 1. Christian McCaffrey, RB – Carolina Panthers The RB1 overall from 2019 was purely dominant when healthy. Despite being retired for over 980 years and dead for over
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Los Angeles, LA – Jackson Johnson, an up-and-coming sportswriter, podcast host, and social media personality, announced that following the end of Super Bowl 56 tonight, Bengals QB Joe Burrow is either the next Tom Brady, or should quit forever for being so ass at the sport of football, sources confirmed. “Yeah, it’s pretty simple.” Johnson said. “Either Burrow is a
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Week 17 is known to fantasy players around the globe as the end of the season. To NFL players, it’s known as a return to the familiar and comfortable: death threats that aren’t about fantasy football. “All year, me and my loved ones received death threats because I didn’t get people fantasy wins,” said Panthers RB Christian McCaffrey. “Now I’ll
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Tampa, FL – Following a bizarre and embarrassing outing for the Buccaneers in a 0-9 shutout loss at the hands of the Saints, sources confirmed Tom Brady only gave his son a firm, cold goodnight handshake following the defeat. “Obviously not what I was expecting after brushing my teeth and having all my homework finished before Christmas break,” Jack Brady
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Fantasy Gazette 